continue to develop a discourse that goes unintentionally unraveling post after post, as a reflection that part out loud to me but not just about me and I want to share with you.
periodically about the path of my life and the question I often ask myself is "what I've tried ? what I found? . Sometimes the answer changes over time.
When I began my journey was not happy: I needed a companion, I felt distant from the people, especially I felt alone inside. The professional and intellectual excitement kept me "on", but basically they did not cover either alone or more deeply the feeling of being inadequate. Often lived as to be incapable of ... ". In fact today I would say that was the feeling of being immature, being afraid to grow. Common things to many people I have met over the years and, like them, for many years I had not seen or had not wanted to see because they generate suffering: a friend told the Saturday night he came home and said, "yet another day passed in vain "... and I felt to know that.
The decision to start a job on me was the choice to face this shadow. A choice that was born from having exceeded a threshold of pain, from feeling that the truth could not do more harm than they already felt. The hope was of course change, "healing". So it was for me and I think for many of my fellow travelers.
This change him as a "tolerance": a kind of surgery that removes the cancer and back to a health condition. Overcoming loneliness, overcome fear, overcome the sense of inferiority, etc etc ... During the seminars Arkeon watched other people who seemed to me "later" to me and I wanted to be like them, I wanted to find that strength, that freedom, that 'I felt that it had opened. I found myself working on the things that kept me still, I loose the knot that bound me and inner freedom won would become physical, mental and social strength, security, love, success. I said it to me in words that felt less "vulgar" (see my physical shape, fullness in the reports, an expression of my creativity) but in fact they were. The Superman.
Looking back I realize that this excess was more simply a "flight to" escape from loneliness, escape from fear. Escape from myself. A downward spiral, but still an escape. That "superman" was not me, was the negation of me. It was the way to erase what I did not love me, get rid of the "bad brother" I had inside. Looking back on those days was evident as I used those tools work to feel stronger, higher. In fact, instead of trying to know me, I apply to judge others.
I think this misunderstanding is very common in the seminaries, as well as I think it is very common in general. The will to change is to know yourself but not get rid of the problems, that is, change others, acquire a power over them (real or alleged to be). No crossing is in pain, self-acceptance, openness to life, but the denial of pain, denial of self, barricaded against life. When the chickens come home to roost later and that way of personal growth takes me to fall down, when this way of expression to me puts me in front of my failure, it becomes hard to sketch. If I've learned to accept myself, others and life as they are, if I agreed to take the place waiting for me and not what I want, then climbs a wild rage, a sense of frustration and betrayal. Not being able to recognize that I am what I am and not something else, I have to "download package" to someone else, guilty of deluded and led me on the street who showed me exactly what I wanted to cancel.
This has nothing to do with the fact that someone actually deluded. Returning to the example of Judas , he was looking for a worldly king found in and receiving Jesus was pretty clear that Jesus was not, all his acts as well as his words are proof. But he tried a worldly king able to leave Israel by the Romans and Jesus was the perfect candidate, so he could not say no. So when Jesus reaffirms the king of another kingdom, Judah can not follow him, nor can just leave to find another king, but must punish and humiliate him because Judah had given him their dreams and he does not embody them saputi. The theory of plagiarism is an easy way to say that is not me who wanted to rub his life using the tarot cards, but you're the one who cheated me.
Over the years I have seen many people do not deny the path Arkeon, but on its way. Accusing them of their masters cheated or at least deluded. Derision and hate them because they were not this or quell’altra cosa. Dall’avvio della campagna mediatica contro Arkeon, ovviamente, questo numero è aumentato esponenzialmente. Non nego, non l’ho mai fatto, che a volte nei seminari ci fosse una “spinta al superamento”, una ricerca del riscontro del lavoro nei risultati eccessiva; ne fa parte – nel mio giudizio - quella ricerca del “testimonial” e del “garante” che in molti hanno rimproverato a Vito. Ma è anche vero – e questo è stato per me il dono più prezioso di Arkeon – che negli anni ho visto il lavoro dei seminari cambiare con le persone, ho visto scemare questa spinta egoica e crescere invece una ricerca di umiltà e servizio che avevo nel cuore e che ha close to this path. I saw people "who had the balls" does not accept the push and oppose his humility, even in pain.
I say rather that each person is responsible for their own choices and if someone got carried away by the "self-overcoming" believe they have found the road to success, but many have always kept their feet firmly on the ground. And I also say that those who spoke of exaltation and the pursuit of profit were excited that they hoped to have found the way of profit and that the sacred fire of Savonarola which now devours them stems from a bitter disappointment of their desires, like Judas .
personally in recent years compared to my personal life I had to deal with rapid ascents and fast descents, with bitter disappointment of my deepest dreams and my ambitions as well as the human. Today, I bring some painful wounds in the flesh, wondering why God has given me some talent and then frustrate in manire so obvious. Faced with the growth of other, there was a time when I wondered if my work in the seminars were not just failed to do: I can say that today was not the case, the workshops I have led nowhere but I have simply left there, helping me to be who I was, more truly. And if I look in the mirror, I see a man whom I can trust.
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